Memorable, historic, unifying. This is England

What better reason to give in to the unrelenting clamour for me to restart blogging (an off-hand remark in passing every few months) than potentially the greatest night in England's glorious sporting history?

In a single night, 11 heroic and passionate warriors sacrificially gave their all to unite not just the nation but the whole continent. At a time of almost unprecedented political turmoil and cultural upheaval, what else could have brought about such a sense of togetherness and universal agreement? What else could have brought Wales, Russia, Iran, Australia, South Africa and the whole of Europe to share an undivided opinion? 
What other unifying force could have led to people from all spheres of life and from across the full political spectrum to be so unanimously of one mind? No longer are we debating formations, starting line ups, tactics or even what might constitute success. Such was the scarcely describable performance and result of the English national football team against Iceland. 

Unquestionably it will go down in history to be discussed, remembered and referred to. A landmark against which any future results even remotely similar (if that is even possible) will be compared. Already the benefits are being felt by the journalism industry, sprouting a plethora of articles discussing every possible angle and perspective. My personal favourite is this creative journalist's view on England's player ratings, he must truly have put his heart and soul into giving every single outfield player a 4/10. 

As the rugby and even cricket teams attempt to sow discord by actually winning, we can thank our footballers for their efforts in the cause of international unity. As we turn our attention to Wimbledon, the Olympics, the Ryder Cup (essentially anything to distract ourselves from what we just saw) let's be grateful that we potentially move on from a manager who has only lost one match in the Euros (Roy) to someone with his own outstanding record at the Euros (Gareth):



Exciting times ahead...

English lambs before the Aussie slaughter

You don't have to be Glenn McGrath to know that England have very little chance in the remainder of this series. The dominant Australia batsmen, coupled with their prolific wicket-taking attack will surely be too much for the meagre poor English lambs. Putting aside all emotion and subjectivity, the positive thinking for which us Brits are famed, is there any hope for us?

Yes we have scraped through two matches thus far, reliant on a potent and controversial combination of dubious umpiring decisions, dodgy technology and being better than Australia. There's only so long though that we can rely on greater skill and application, and surely this Thursday will be the time for Australia's brilliance to become apparent. The question must be whether there is anything we can do to stop the surely inevitable demolition?

Let's look at the facts:

- England only have 3 batsmen averaging over 40 in the series. I appreciate that Australia only have 3 over 30, and one of those (Pattinson) is out injured for the rest of the series and the other is a teenage spin bowler, but that won't matter.

- England have no replacement for the likely absent Pietersen. Of course, James Taylor will play but I don't see him scoring any runs against the Australians.

Waterboy or run-machine?

- David Warner is back. Guaranteed to knock get Joe Root out, and fresh from a massive 193 against the mighty South Africa A, he's sure to be a threat. After all, prior to that innings he had scores of 6, 11, 9, 0, 0, 2, 0, 44, 4 and 13. Devastating stuff for England to fear.

- Australia have the series record for the opening, 9th and 10th wicket partnerships. England may have the highest partnership for all the other wickets, but it's how you start and end that matters isn't it?

I think we can all agree that we're in serious trouble. Just because we've won the first two matches, have the better batting line-up, bowling attack, experience and confidence, surely nothing can stop the organised and professional Aussies. 

Roll on Roland Garros

I simply cannot see the appeal of tennis. It is dull and predictable at the best of times but these Grand Slams of late, where you have four incredibly consistent, talented and physically awesome men battling it out each time, it's just beyond beyond tedious.

Last year the 16 Slam semi-final places were filled by our famous quartet a total of 14 times, only Ferrer and Tsonga breaking through once each (at the expense of Nadal at Aus and Fed at Wim respectively). Needless to say, the trend has continued this year already.


As for who wins the things, it's even more boring. 27 of the last 28 Slams have been won by just 3 men. Del Potro the only man to interfere with Federer, Nadal and Djokovic's dominance. Despite 9 Semi-final appearances, even Murray hasn't been able to mix it up a bit by getting to hold a trophy. He's been handed a very tough draw at Roland Garros this year so I wouldn't expect to see him do much to break that streak.


Then we get onto the matches themselves. So repetitive and long. Who wants to watch the two best players in the world hitting astonishingly powerful and accurate shots time and time again for 6 hours? And at the Australian Open this came after two semi finals of such intense action and length that all we asked for was a simple straight setter in the final. I just can't bring myself to watch it again.

So now that we approach the French Open, is there any chance of someone else getting involved? As always, the likes of Berdych, Ferrer, Tsonga and Del Potro will threaten but there is surely no chance of any significant disruption to the power four.

And of course, the surface, is not exactly conducive to quick and straightforward matches. Our only hope must be that Nadal is so much better than anyone else we don't have to endure more than the odd tight set as he continues on his relentless quest for clay-court and Roland Garros immortality.


But who wants to see records tumbling? I have no desire to be actively following tennis during what may go down as one of the most exciting, competitive and high quality periods in tennis history. So let's quickly get this next chapter over and done with, I'm not at all looking forward to it...

Dominant England on course for World Cup Glory

Another devastatingly convincing performance from England, overcoming the gritty and ugly-rugby playing Scots to prevail yet again and preserve our perfect 100% record. No matter what opponent is put in our path we show the strength of character and high level of skill and mental attitude to display our utter superiority over the rest of the rugby world and cruise through one comfortable victory after another.

A team unified, convincing, focussed and dominant

It's a shame that we'll only have to beat France and then some Celts before winning the final because no doubt those small-minded and jealous nations who don't win the World Cup will say we had it easy and make up nonsense about us fixing the draw. I'd almost rather have come second in the group so we could get New Zealand done and dusted before beating the Wallabies and Springboks easily. Tactically this might have made sense therefore to lose to Scotland but we're just such winners, there's no way we could allow ourselves to lose. We obviously gave it some thought, but just decided in the 76th minute that we may as well just win every match, not least for the stats and whatnot. 


Now that the Quarter Final draw is complete, we can look at how weak the other 7 teams are and therefore how comfortabe England should find the next 3 weeks:


New Zealand have lost their only good player through injury and seem certain to fall apart now. They've not exactly been convincing to date anyway, only 36 tries and 240 points scored so far and that meagre total mostly just from biased refereeing influenced by unfairly Kiwi crowds. They've already got the benefit of playing at home, I don't see why the majority of the fans should be from the country as well


Argentina could only scrape a win against Scotland, reliant on a late try from the right wing so we're clearly streaks ahead of them - also evidenced by our crushing obliteration of them earlier in the tournament. Could well meet them in the final cos they're in the weak half of the draw but nothing to fear there.


Australia lost to Ireland who we of course destroyed only a few weeks ago. They're even worse than the All Blacks for complaining about all their injuries and look disjointed and ripe for the picking. A shame we probably won't be the team to knock them out cos that's been fun the last 2 World Cups. 


South Africa were reliant on the ref deciding that James Hook's penalty hadn't gone over otherwise they'd have been staring down the barrel as well. They've been leaking points very freely, that's 24 now in just 4 games, and that includes 16 in one game! Wouldn't catch England conceding so many points in a match during a world cup. 


Ireland failed to even score a try against the Wallabies and we all know how easy it is to beat them in World Cups. I barely even remember the last time we lost to them, and I know full well we've never lost to Ireland in a world cup (and don't go on about how we've never played, cos you're just making excuses)


Wales conceded a try against Namibia and barely even got past Samoa! They also lost to South Africa so it's fairly obvious they're not a threat - I simply cannot imagine how a top class team such as England could ever lose to them so that'd be something of a bye into the final should they meet us in the semi. 


France - well this one speaks for itself. A dismal 20 point loss to New Zealand, eclipsed only in its embarrassingly poor nature by a shocking defeat to Tonga. They are in clear disarray, with a squad crippled with the sort of ill-discipline and irresponsible behaviour you simply wouldn't get from a professional outfit like England. It'll be almost too easy to breeze past them next Saturday. 


So there you have it, a solid, unified and disciplined England team playing convincing and attractive rugby lining up against 7 teams without a good phase of rugby between them. There's only one winner to this thing. You might call it classic English arrogance but what can you do when we're Simply the Best?




There may be an argument for ensuring you're well informed of a particular idiom when reading this article.