Sunday, 2 October 2011

Dominant England on course for World Cup Glory

Another devastatingly convincing performance from England, overcoming the gritty and ugly-rugby playing Scots to prevail yet again and preserve our perfect 100% record. No matter what opponent is put in our path we show the strength of character and high level of skill and mental attitude to display our utter superiority over the rest of the rugby world and cruise through one comfortable victory after another.


A team unified, convincing, focussed and dominant
It's a shame that we'll only have to beat France and then some Celts before winning the final because no doubt those small-minded and jealous nations who don't win the World Cup will say we had it easy and make up nonsense about us fixing the draw. I'd almost rather have come second in the group so we could get New Zealand done and dusted before beating the Wallabies and Springboks easily. Tactically this might have made sense therefore to lose to Scotland but we're just such winners, there's no way we could allow ourselves to lose. We obviously gave it some thought, but just decided in the 76th minute that we may as well just win every match, not least for the stats and whatnot. 


Now that the Quarter Final draw is complete, we can look at how weak the other 7 teams are and therefore how comfortabe England should find the next 3 weeks:


New Zealand have lost their only good player through injury and seem certain to fall apart now. They've not exactly been convincing to date anyway, only 36 tries and 240 points scored so far and that meagre total mostly just from biased refereeing influenced by unfairly Kiwi crowds. They've already got the benefit of playing at home, I don't see why the majority of the fans should be from the country as well


Argentina could only scrape a win against Scotland, reliant on a late try from the right wing so we're clearly streaks ahead of them - also evidenced by our crushing obliteration of them earlier in the tournament. Could well meet them in the final cos they're in the weak half of the draw but nothing to fear there.


Australia lost to Ireland who we of course destroyed only a few weeks ago. They're even worse than the All Blacks for complaining about all their injuries and look disjointed and ripe for the picking. A shame we probably won't be the team to knock them out cos that's been fun the last 2 World Cups. 


South Africa were reliant on the ref deciding that James Hook's penalty hadn't gone over otherwise they'd have been staring down the barrel as well. They've been leaking points very freely, that's 24 now in just 4 games, and that includes 16 in one game! Wouldn't catch England conceding so many points in a match during a world cup. 


Ireland failed to even score a try against the Wallabies and we all know how easy it is to beat them in World Cups. I barely even remember the last time we lost to them, and I know full well we've never lost to Ireland in a world cup (and don't go on about how we've never played, cos you're just making excuses)


Wales conceded a try against Namibia and barely even got past Samoa! They also lost to South Africa so it's fairly obvious they're not a threat - I simply cannot imagine how a top class team such as England could ever lose to them so that'd be something of a bye into the final should they meet us in the semi. 


France - well this one speaks for itself. A dismal 20 point loss to New Zealand, eclipsed only in its embarrassingly poor nature by a shocking defeat to Tonga. They are in clear disarray, with a squad crippled with the sort of ill-discipline and irresponsible behaviour you simply wouldn't get from a professional outfit like England. It'll be almost too easy to breeze past them next Saturday. 


So there you have it, a solid, unified and disciplined England team playing convincing and attractive rugby lining up against 7 teams without a good phase of rugby between them. There's only one winner to this thing. You might call it classic English arrogance but what can you do when we're Simply the Best?




There may be an argument for ensuring you're well informed of a particular idiom when reading this article.

79 comments:

  1. Hmmmm is your oven on for the humble pie? I've always kept my gob firmly shut in circumstances such as these, for starters, I won't have to listen to my Scottish workmates tittering away should I be proved incorrect and also, it makes one appear a much more calm, cooler and level headed character. Best not to be too carried away by such things as injuries to other teams, it makes it sound that that would be the only reason we'd beat them.

    A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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  2. Dude. Read the "particular idiom" line above and get a clue

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  3. Very funny, nicely constructed with the necessary links in the text too.

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  4. Dont beleive the first guy took this seriously, LMAO! Hook, Line, Sinker ;-)

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  5. lol this is pure bullshit, englands team is a shamble

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  6. you are truly an idiot. as always typical English narrow minded delusions. looking forward to the French turning you over.

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  7. 6 comments before mine, and 3 of them are not only hook line and sinkered, but filleted, basted, and fried with a slice of lemon on top.
    Well done.

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  8. Very funny! You'd have to be a real muppet to think this was serious, wouldn't you? Just goes to show what a fine educational system we have in this country...

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  9. look, lets be honest here. its only the english who properly understand english anyway so is rather irrelevant what anyone else thinks. noone else in this competition is anywhere near as good as us because we are the greatest nation to ever play sport ever. any sport. full stop. my prediction is great britain 4 - germany 0 in the final, with clive 'edward' woodwood scoring a hatrick, a century from cook, and an own goal from pele. or something like that.......

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  10. hahahahahahahahha....
    hahahahahahahahahha...
    hahahahahhahahahhah
    and just for good measure..
    hahahahahahahahahahha
    you forgot a side dish of rocket with that.

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  11. @ no. 1: Of you cannot see the sarcasm you must have no eyes.

    Sadly, this is probably what the actual English press think.

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  12. Reading this has quite literally made my day. idiom defined !

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  13. Seriously, you would be a shoe-in for ITV's analysis team.

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  14. I don't know what's better... The humour of the article or people's responses! Beggars belief...

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  15. Great post Sam, think you've got it to a cup of tea. Reckon Johnny is deliberately missing kicks to lull the opposition into false sense of security and then "wham" he kicks a penalties from the behind his won goal line!

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  16. funny, we have no chance !

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  17. Not even an Englishman can be this deluded.

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  18. rendered speechless by the level of your delusion. unbelievable.

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  19. Yeehaw!! Here's to some pommy-pie :)

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  20. Gareth, Wales fan as it goes2 October 2011 19:51

    Dear Aussies, Kiwis, Saffas, Yanks, Canadians and anyone else with the same understanding of irony as Alanis Morisette. Read this article again, please. It is clearly a wind up. But I enjoyed laughing at the ludicrous comments almost as much as I enjoyed the article itself. Nice work everyone!

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  21. I get the tongue in cheek nature of the post although I did wonder if Will Carling hadn't written it for a moment.

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  22. verrrry good. hard to argue against any of the points written here. England look like the only possible victors dont they? with some more sublime kicking from wilko who could possibly say no!

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  23. I love Lamp.....

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  24. what a brilliant piece! Couldn't agree more but perhaps you should also credit Ashton with the best flying dives of the tourney too. He should score 6.0 with all the judges!

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  25. I found this hilarious and I'm Scottish. Anyone taking this seriously must have had a sense of humour bypass !

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  26. Brilliant, I so hoped that some people would think I was being serious. As amusing as it was to write, the comments are definitely the best part.
    Personal favourites are (1) - trying to ever so politely correct my errant ways and (6) - yes, it's me that's truly the idiot. haha.

    and Larry, thanks for commenting, about time ;-)

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  27. Thanks for the wonderful article. And the comments LMAO!!!!

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  28. Excellent - Al Murray's Pub landlord would be proud.

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  29. Hi mate, followed your link on the BBC sport website-really enjoyed this and thought it was very funny

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  30. 50 quid says that all those on here accusing the English of being either arrogant or stupid on the basis of this article are Welsh.

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  31. I didn't realise the Americans read rugby blogs. they do struggle with dry humour, sarcasm and a touch a wit here and there, bless em.

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  32. I say I must agree with this Blog's author, his analysis of the other quather finalists alone truely is right on the mark. England are the greatest rugby world cup team of them all.

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  33. Haha... all the idiots thinking this guy is serious! Brilliantly constructed bit of sporting satire!

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  34. I completely agree with your analysis of the state of the World Cup at the moment. However, I wonder if England will decide to "throw" one of the next games, just so one of the other Northern Hemisphere teams can get a chance at being in the Final in the 21st Century? It would be such a tiresome bore if England do 3 finals on the trot... so very vulgar!

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  35. Whilst the writer corrctly identifies that England should find the regaining of the Webb Ellis Trophy a mere formality it may be a little more sporting to allow one of the provinces to contest the final against a side from the colonies. These chaps have put in a good deal of honest effort, albeit unskilled, so perhaps they should be rewarded.

    We'll have to do for the French at least. Can't have the Frogs getting above themselves.

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  36. "50 quid says that all those on here accusing the English of being either arrogant or stupid on the basis of this article are Welsh."

    I wonder why?

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  37. PMSL have you been writing scripts for Vickery as well as sounding alot like his commentry

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  38. This IS a joke, yes?

    It sounds so real!

    It could be written by one of the ITV commentators.

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  39. Fantastic article, Sam.

    It's good to finally read a piece which focuses on the real issues here - the rugby, not the off-field antics of the English. I mean, really, if some of our boys made innocent comments which were subsequently deemed 'inappropriate' by the girl in question, it should be very clear that she has absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever. In fact, the girl in question should have probably given Haskell his 'Australian Kiss', just to confirm how hilarious he was being.

    As for Tindall, let's be honest, it can be very difficult at times to remember complex things like where you were at a given time. He probably got confused because he was busy thinking about being brilliant at playing rugby and how great it is to play for the best team in the world.

    Regarding your comments on the so-called 'opposition', I couldn't agree more. One thing that you forgot to mention is that England haven't even been trying so far. When we decide to play properly (although I fear that against these teams it may not even be necessary) then we'll really silence the critics.

    Hopefully one of the other teams will get it together enough to give us some sporting competition; then we'll have a chance to deliver a masterclass of fluid, precise attacking rugby. If not, we should do them a favour by continuing to make lots of silly 'mistakes' which appear unintentional. Alternatively, perhaps we could play blindfolded to level things up?

    Thanks again.
    TJT

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  40. Superb! Loved it... and I'm Welsh.

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  41. It's funny cos we all know ITV et al actually sound like this at times! Then some fool tries to drag Wales into it! Thus continuingthe parody, but unknowingly!! Love it!!!
    And I'm Welsh ; )

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  42. Apart from being full of shit, ye've never beaten ireland in the world cup

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  43. Excellent, well thought-out, absolutely correct bit of blogging!!
    Nothing, IMO, stands in the way of yet another appearance in an RWC final for England! I should know, and I'm Welsh!

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  44. At last - an insightful, balanced WC2011 article. If I had to be critical I'd say you have downplayed England's chances a tad too much.

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  45. you are a massive ignorant idiot.

    Heres a list of reasons why this is:

    1. New Zealand are the best team in the world simple.
    2. Australia are a young team but have some of the best counter attacking play out there.
    3. England are NOT disciplined. Three of their players have been named and shamed by their own coach.
    4. Every team in the quarter finals barring maybe Argentina (who England only beat because of one mistake while England were largely outplayed) could beat England.
    5. Do you actually watch any rugby? England have been terrible so far. Just lucky Scotland couldn't convert their chances and Argentina missed so many penalties.


    why did you even waste your time posting this rubbish. FOOL!

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  46. "why did you even waste your time posting this rubbish."? To bait people with no sense of irony like guess who (a mirror will come in handy at this point in time)into making themselves look monumentally stupid. Any further questions?

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  47. every point is a believable as the next... i follow your sentiments COME ON ENGLAND

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  48. Hazlemere Head3 October 2011 21:23

    Good work Sam.

    We also have the best National Anthem...and kit (especially our traditional all black away strip...iconic).

    English blood runs deep - just ask Tuilagi, Hape, Waldrom, Stevens, Corbisiero, Hartley, Armitage...

    We're unbeatable. Come on the English!

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  49. oisinGr...you are a chronic moron. please, please, PLEASE tell me that you didnt take this seriously. It was clearly a joke. Beggars belief...

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  50. Ha Ha, we're number 1 in Cricket too. See ya losers.

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  51. If you need proof as to how thick the people from the provinces are...............

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  52. ha ha ha ...........ha ha ha ........ha ha ha . Very well executed... Just hope Martin Johnson doesn't read it ... He might start to think its in the bag :)

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  53. How do some of these respondents exist in life? They are so stupid that I can't fathom how their brain is well enough to tell them to take another breath. Deary me!

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  54. The paragraph about France could be in a real article...

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  55. I have to agree - England is truly a fantastic side. Who could possibly live with them apart from possibly the England B side? Truly remarkable this year in the way they have dominated everyone - including the dwarves, they stand surely head and shoulders above them all.

    So - on to meeting Wales in the semi final. Surely the Welsh will step aside in letting their paymasters through without a struggle. Wales - the biggest county in England.

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  56. ''Wales - the biggest county in England''

    Marvellous!

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  57. oisinGr...

    you are a massive ignorant idiot.

    Here's a list of reasons why this is:

    1. This article is ironic
    2. This is only a list because I have added this second pointless point
    3. This is the third thing on the list
    4. I'm going to get a biscuit and a cup of tea
    5. I tipped the tea on my legs and dropped the biscuit and now the biscuit has fluff on it
    6. England are disciplined, exciting and play such an expansive and free type of rugby, it makes it very hard to actually see that it is expansive and free and it just looks inhibited and dull
    7. This is the last point on the list of reasons you are an idiot
    8. So there

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  58. I'm a proud Welshman but I'm sad to say I have to agree 100% with your analysis.

    I'm Shi**ing myself with the prospect of meeting the mighty England in the Semi Finals, especially if they turn up in their scary black jerseys. I actually hope we lose to Ireland to avoid the inevitable humiliation.

    What us Welsh wouldn't do to swap our Jamie Roberts for that fine specimen, true gentleman, fan*y magnet, and No.1 line-breaker Lord Tindall. Even better, lets swap Jamie for the impressive Shontayne Hape who has been unbelievable throughout the tournament. He's so quick, blink and you'd miss him.

    We'd gladly exchange the young George North for your veteran dwarf tosser and swallower, sorry swallow-diving, Christopher Ashton who did the impossible and scored a hat trick against the colossal Romanians putting him top of the try scoring leader board. His remarkable 10m run-ins are legendary. What a man Ash the Dick Splash is. And lets face it George Norths 60m line breaking runs were just pure luck

    Although the Welsh goal kicking success rate is statistically higher that Englands, it is misleading and no comparisons can be made because Sir Jonnny has been fitted up and was handed a dodgy ball on every attempt

    As for Captain Sam Warburton, how can you trust a professional athlete that hasn't touched a drop of booze since the Six Nations. Its disgraceful and we'll happily exchange him for one of your champion beer swilling athletes

    Oh I dearly wish I were English

    J.T from Barry

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  59. Bloody brilliant piece! Tongue very firmly in cheek, great sense of humour and irony, written with wonderful wit - you're not a fellow Welshie by any chance are you? haha Da iawn cariad.

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  60. Well written Mr Hopwood. You are far too perceptive to be writing about Rugby. Maybe you should explain Quantative Easing in your next article?

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  61. Hilarious. Whilst I can almost forgive the stupid comments from the first few people, who clearly have no conception of irony or humour, surely those most recent commentators would have read at least some of the previous comments to know this was one big wind up?? Mind-blowing to think that these folk are probably allowed out in public...

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  62. Thanks for your comments, both to those who could see the amusement and to those who are a few props short of a scrum, as it were. You've managed to make the comment section embarrassingly better than the blog itself.

    Do follow the blog and have a look at some of the old posts as well. More posts coming of course

    email address is rambohopwood@googlemail.com if you want to get in touch

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  63. Ah hah! I knew if I searched for long enough I'd find England's strategic master plan somewhere..."use innate superiority over the rest of the rugby world to cruise from one comfortable victory to the next."

    I'm writing that down just as soon as I learn to write proper and giving it to cousin Colin to take into town when he delivers the sheep to the meatworks so that it can been passed on to Aunty Edna who can give it to Graham Henry when she delivers him his thermos and chillybin.

    Thwarted!

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  64. HahHaaa,,, very funny and well written.. I have to admit, I was in the second paragraph before I copped on!
    My favourite bit;
    "and I know full well we've never lost to Ireland in a world cup (and don't go on about how we've never played, cos you're just making excuses)"

    Keep it up...

    :-)

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  65. Thank you for your analysis, you have convinced me. Due to England's innate superiority I have given up supporting Wales and will now be supporting the boyos in white.

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  66. english rugby is normally so easy to dislike! now i feel enlightened and can also see the way. if i had have known they were such tactical magicians i would have supported them since 87! those poor misguided fools who think this is ironic clearly need to remember 1966 and 2003 to see england's proven track record on winning every tournament that's mattered!

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  67. Sam, your comments have only validated what I have been telling my southern hemisphere colleagues for the past 2 years. In 2009 during a drunken lunch break argument with them, i nipped to William Hills and placed 4 grand on england beating the all blacks in the final. Its going to be a fine day breezing into the office after the final when the all blacks replay that magical scene in Mrs Doubtfire when guy the "chokes". Beers will be on me. I wont even tell you what outrageously favourable odds i got. Dai

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  68. Just for Clarity I mistyped "when the guy CHOKES". No pressure NZ.
    Dai

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  69. IMO that should be the last time we beat the Scots.

    Mainly because we should rename Scotland Northern England.

    Tom

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  70. Croissant anyone?

    ha ha ha ha ha

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  71. Bonsoir little wet bankrupt nation

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  72. Hey you english twit,what was the score today then?

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  73. So true.

    In their greatness, the English players even managed to lose to a dismal French squad this morning, just to let these lesser teams a chance to enjoy the feeling of getting a fortnight of media exposure.

    But don't worry, they'll play the final, called on as a replacement for one of the pathetic sides that will scrape to the last stage of this game, and will be rightly crowned for the sheer brilliance of their rugby skills. The only question is : which of these hapless contenders should give way to the English Kings in the final ?

    Oh, by the way, I'm from the other side of the Channel. Although you didn't make the mistake of wearing the black kit that gives us some stamina in the final stages of the RWC, but the white one that has so far dispiritted us, you were royal enough to let us enjoy the childish pleasure of taking on the Welsh Leek.
    "Sorry, good game", as Sir William Carling would have put it.

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  74. As disappointing as the result was for England, significant consolation can be found in amusement at certain readers' utter stupidity in still not understanding the sarcasm of the article, or indeed reading the vast majority of comments.

    Incidentally, I think the word "twit" (see 2 comments above) was just not called for, such harsh language really is going a step too far (*by the way, that is sarcastic as well)

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  75. Wales; "I simply cannot imagine how a top class team such as England could ever lose to them so that'd be something of a bye into the final should they meet us in the semi. "

    Mmmmmmmmm, still stand by this comment?

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  76. an englishman, scotsman and an irishman enter a pub...to watch the welsh team in the semi's! ;-)

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  77. Think that may be my brother's comment above??!

    Wondered what you had to say now your double bluff arrogance had come true. Can you still laugh at yourselves I wonder? I remember being in Australia for the 93 world cup and watched France knock out Ireland followed by England knock out Wales. An hour after the second game had finished, the misearble French and arrogant English had buggered off leaving the 2 'losing' teams singing, drinking, laughing and partying the night away. That's the difference.

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  78. Haha, haven't had time to do a proper post since England's exceptionally but devastatingly unlucky ;-) performance last weekend. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow...
    Makes me chuckle though that English arrogance and bad-loserism is being so ridiculed by commenters who aren't in the least bit smug. No irony there

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  79. I for one was devastated when England dipped out early. So much for the grafting spirit of England, finding a way to win, winning when it matters, thinking clearly under pressure, winning ugly, and being pragmatic.

    I can't help but note the contrast between England at RWC 2011 and New Zealand. It seemed they'd almost switched roles. Perhaps they'd spent so long gazing at each other across the divide that something rubbed off.

    There's no hiding the fact that MJ is a Kiwi-phile. He learnt his rugby in NZ, represented NZ and it seems still has a soft spot for NZ rugby culture. At least his selection of Waldrom, Flutey, Hape and so many other Kiwis could be held up in evidence.

    Only at the last minute, did he remember his Englishness, suddenly reverting to Wikinson/Flood to run the show in tandem. Disaster, wasn't it?

    On the other hand NZ shut up shop, and won in a style that had many Kiwi fans scratching their heads and wondering whether to celebrate or mourn. We won, but lost our identity in doing so.

    The transformation is complete in the reaction of so many British fans. "Boring. Cheats" seems to be the reaction.

    Where to now for England? Discard the mobile, athletic tight five? put Ashton and Foden on ice?

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