Nothing generates debate and disagreement quite like sports. Oh and maybe politics, and religion, and culture, sexuality, abortion, euthanasia, genetics, films, music, books, public transport... well lots of things really but I know a lot about sports so that's what's up for discussion
So England's World Cup has come to an end. And what a journey it has been. Going from one glorious performance to another, consistently punctuated by professional and high class off-field incidents. It seems only fitting to put together some form of memorial to commemorate such an epic campaign - for future generations to gaze upon and draw inspiration for their own battles ahead. Much as the modern generation of football fan looks back to the footballing greats such as Pele, Beckenbauer, Di Stefano, Cruyff and Maradona with nought but youtube videos to convey their greatness, so it shall be in just a few short years, when names such as Tindall, Wilkinson and Johnson fade from memory. The pitiful offerings of 2003 shall be resigned to DVD extras, as the feature length presentations focus on the events of the last month or so and the glory showered upon our great nation by its oval-dropping throwing representatives.
I appreciate that the wealth of material available has meant that others have put together brief timelines, referring to a few of the more celebrated happenings, but here's a brief run-down of my own of how things have panned out so well for us recently:
11/9: Encouraging signs from the word go as the new All Blacks (black is the new white) grind out a win against mighty rugby nation Argentina, England apparently "composed under pressure" - Wilkinson a particular highlight, safely putting away 3 kicks, and missing just 5.
12/9: Celebrating the dizzy heights of the spectacular 13-9 win over the Pumas, England descended upon the Altitude bar. A few harrassed females and thrown dwarves later and commendably the lads created a few more headlines to really raise the game's profile and get youngsters interested in the sport. One can only applaud such dedication. 13/9: As well as Courtney Lawes being banned for two matches for a gentle rub on the temple with his knee-cap, Martin Johnson's defensive skills get another run out, this time defending the decision to allow a slightly more unusual form of training. Namely, bungee jumping.
18/9 & 24/9: England take it easy, coming through a couple of matches against lower ranked teams and starting to appear as though they actually care about winning rugby matches more than doing as much for New Zealand's tourist office as Murray from Flight of the Conchords.
29/9: Two England coaches unfairly suspended for helping an old man (Wilko) by giving him a different ball to kick with after the one he had been using kept frustratingly dodging the gap between the posts. Such care for the elderly should surely have been commended but alas not in this instance, and in this a so-called gentlemen's sport. Lamentable.
1/10: The second month of the tournament begins with another famous win, preserving our 100% record, but I think enough has been said about the monumental victory over the Highlanders, and just what a strong position England were in at this stage.
3/10: Delon Armitage banned for the quarter final for an over-exuberant neck hug during the Scotland match, his attempt at affection seemingly misinterpreted by the authorities.
4/10: Manu Tuilagi becomes the first of 3 (also Moody & Lawes) to be fined for doing his best to resuscitate the economy by the supporting small businesses with a bit of dental advertising.
8/10: Having been to the last two finals, and beating France on the way on both occasions, it was only right that we let them have their moment au soleil. We couldn't throw the game of course so decided instead that a 16 point half-time handicap was more appropriate. Made it look realistic you see. We were also ever so good sports throughout the match, regularly giving the ball back sportingly, even when there was no injury or apparent reason to do so. Good old chaps those English boys. I'm sure they just wanted to return to their families anyway; I gather for some there may be things to discuss back at home.
9/10: Our favourite Samoan then decided to celebrate a successful campaign and particularly his own form (which was actually good), with a quick dip in Kiwi waters. Turned out to be a relatively expensive one for him but no doubt it was refreshing, and gave us all a bit of eye candy so everyone's a winner really.
And that was that. A treat for all to behold really - well organised, disciplined, professional and ultimately successful. Who wouldn't want an 80% winning percentage and a quarter final place? It's more than we've done in football world cups for more than 20 years. Similar standard of penalty taking to 1990 as well. A month and a bit to make a country proud of its sporting heritage and skill - surely Martin Johnson will choose to leave now on a high - quit while you're ahead as it were.
DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SARCASTIC - ENGLAND'S PERFORMANCE ON AND OFF THE FIELD DURING THE RUGBY WORLD CUP 2011 HAS BEEN SIMPLY AWFUL AND EMBARRASSING TO WATCH AND FOLLOW. (I thought I'd be a little less subtle than the last article which proved a bit much for certain dimwitted folk to understand)
No more group matches, no more working out point difference, bonus points and qualification permutations. We are at the do or die stage. This World Cup has finally reached a genuinely interesting and difficult to call round of exciting Quarter Final matches.
Bar the NZ-Arg match, which is unlikely to have the edge of our seats and the ends of our nails worn down, there are 3 truly close matches ahead. These are the top 8 IRB ranked teams in the world and as per last week's rankings they were paired as 2 vs 3 (SA-Aus); 4 vs 5 (Eng-Fra) and 6 vs 7 (Ire-Wal). France's defeat to Tonga has since seen them drop to 8th but make no mistake, they aren't just making up les nombres...
England - France As amusing as it would be to continue a very thinly disguised attempt at English sporting arrogance (and endeavour to evoke a further remarkable barrage of abuse from those whose understanding of sarcasm and irony is about as advanced as Jonny Wilkinson's involvement in twitter), there's simply no way England can confidently assume their semi-final place is secure. The "convincing" Six Nations win was only 9-9 at half-time and a missed Yachvili penalty just before the break could have made for a very different result. England are going with Flood and Wilkinson, the fairly blunt instrument that has been Tindall dropped ruled out with an horrific dead leg, an injury so devastating and crippling that it was kept completely under wraps until it happened to be that Johnson had to reveal that he didn't want our royal centre to play. Extra kicking options, wingers with 9 tries in 5 matches between them and a self-belief that we're better than our Gallic rivals in disarray makes England strong favourites. As much as I might try to suppress my patriotism, it seems to be winning out over the English sporting cynicism, so I'm going to go for a 21-13 victory pour les Blancs.
Ireland - Wales The Celtic clash has been well covered by Ben Dirs so I won't labour to expand upon his analysis but I can't help feeling it is going to be worth the early morning start. These two expansive, attractive rugby-playing nations are 1-1 in World Cup head-to-head but 63-46 to Wales all-time and Ireland have never made it beyond the quarter final stage. But after a famous victory over the Wallabies in the pool, and a convincing dismantling of a potential banana skin in Italy, the Irish must be brimming with confidence. Wales have had a couple of close shaves, one nearly sneaking a win against the world champions, one narrowly escaping going down to the less-than-mighty Samoa. A swansong for greats like O'Driscoll, O'Gara and Williams will only add to the drama. The fact that I have them in my work sweepstake has nothing at all to do with the fact that I believe Ireland will come through for a 24-17 win.
Australia - South Africa An absolutely mouth-watering clash between 2 of the 3 teams to have ever defeated the All Blacks in the RWC. They share a 1-1 world cup record and have both won the tournament a joint record 2 times. Remarkably, Australia have never been ranked 1 in the world and the reigning Tri-Nations champions have a losing 26-40 overall record against the Springboks. That said, they beat them in both of the Tri-Nations clashes and go into the match marginal favourites, despite the form of new record South African try scorer Bryan Habana. Not too sure why, but I've just got an inkling that it could be the Springboks' day and I'll go for a closely fought 18-14 win for the Africans.
New Zealand - Argentina
By no means a guarantee without the talismanic Dan Carter but the dominant All Blacks who, dismissive of the pressure on them, have looked thoroughly solid thus far, start as overwhelming favourites against a team they've not lost to in 13 matches. Argentina will no doubt do what they do well, and keep the tide at bay for periods but there'll be no stopping New Zealand making their 6th semi final in 7 world cups. No second consecutive semi for the Pumas unfortunately, going down 37-9 I reckon.
So finally England have come to life, and now that the matches are more regular and elimination/progression issues are being resolved, the World Cup has truly begun. About time too.
New Zealand ominously dispatched their bogey team France, and look all set for the knockout stages and most likely a clash against Scotland or Argentina. Les Bleus meanwhile can look forward to taking on Les Blancs. Unless France are playing in white again and we play in black, in which case it's Les Blancs et Les Noirs but I don't think the race-relation PR people will be too happy with that.
Regardless, it was good to see England firing again, albeit against a weakened Romania team. Make no mistake, this wasn't the same team that ran Scotland close a fortnight ago, they were significantly weakened, looking ahead to the match against Georgia, which could seal their qualification to the 2015 tournament. Rugby's very own version of Mick McCarthy and Ian Holloway.
Still, Mark Cueto makes a big difference (although he only actually seemed to touch it 3 times), adds balance and takes away the reliance on Chris Ashton. Besides, we don't have too many players in our team who have scored perfectly legitimate tries in World Cup finals before (see video). It'll no doubt be a grittier match against Scotland so we'll need some more powerful, fast and accurate running to complement the centres Tindall and Tuilagi who offer powerful, strong and powerful running.
One feature of the match was Wilkinson being removed at half-time for Toby Flood. The commentators seemed baffled by it, which in turn baffled me. Surely protecting our most injury-prone star would seem fairly logical at 34-3 up. A lot of big matches are coming up and having him fully fit is pretty important.
It also got me thinking, especially in light of the well-received comparison between Jonah Lomu and Ronaldo recently, how I've never seen Jonny Wilkinson and Michael Owen in the same room either. Have you?
Jonny Wilkinson
Michael Owen
Back in December 2002, a BBC article said "And his (JW's) modesty and good looks have made him on of English sport's top role models - rugby's equivalent of Michael Owen." You say equivalent, I say same person, tomato tomato (oh wait, that doesn't really work in a blog).
So let's examine the evidence, in order of how compelling it is:
Both have an image as good clean, honest, Englishmen
Both played for Newcastle and have had spells at continental clubs
Both have won world player of the year awards (Owen - Ballon D'or 2001, Wilko IRB International Player of the Year 2003)
Both have won BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards (Owen '98, Wilko '03)
Both have been plagued by injuries throughout their careers, severely hampering both their international and club careers
Both were born in 1979
Both play at number 10 for England (yes present tense, come on Fabio, call him up)
Both made their international debuts in 1998, aged 18
Both have played exactly 89 times for England (correct as of 24/9/11)
They look exactly the same (ish)
Your honour, I rest my case.
PS - if anyone stumbles across this article, just remember that it is sensationalist fiction writing from that well known tabloid The Times.
So England's World Cup has come to an end. And what a journey it has been. Going from one glorious performance to another, consistently punctuated by professional and high class off-field incidents. It seems only fitting to put together some form of memorial to commemorate such an epic campaign - for future generations to gaze upon and draw inspiration for their own battles ahead.
12/9: Celebrating the dizzy heights of the spectacular 13-9 win over the Pumas, England descended upon the Altitude bar. A few harrassed females and thrown dwarves later and commendably the lads created a few more headlines to really raise the game's profile and get youngsters interested in the sport. One can only applaud such dedication.
13/9: As well as Courtney Lawes being banned for two matches for a gentle rub on the temple with his knee-cap, Martin Johnson's defensive skills get another run out, this time defending the decision to allow a slightly more unusual form of training. Namely, bungee jumping.
29/9: Two England coaches unfairly suspended for helping an old man (Wilko) by giving him a different ball to kick with after the one he had been using kept frustratingly dodging the gap between the posts. Such care for the elderly should surely have been commended but alas not in this instance, and in this a so-called gentlemen's sport. Lamentable.
